After Thoughts

I'm realizing the negative attributes Anthropology and research of the contemporary indigenous- moreso the negative affects are seen in my rational of agency. Case in point, art- I'd like to think of myself as an indigenous woman: living to survive, adopting customs that relate environment and culture to person hood, while seeking understanding among-st a generally naive crowd. Naive not in a negative way but naive as In you'd have to be there to understand , this can't be fixed -you can tell a story a million times and people will still be unaware, and besides modern man has no appreciation for storytelling or if they do they do not believe. For when one says story another thinks of fable, and my life beginning from the age of 5 is anything but a fable. So i strive for what to be understood- ni i have been misunderstood by even the greatest of giants so how could understanding help me now? Respect? maybe but that's hard to come by for there is always a chance for disrespect when the rational is involved.

 I am unknown and i fight to keep that, and yet I do not want to be recognized by my racial identity. SO WHAT DO I DO? I do as indigenous man does and save a little for myself, not all has to be explained because not all can be understood. I don't expect even someone of 60+ to understand my life ni those of adolescence ,adulthood ,etc. I think I will in the end be misunderstood because of everyone else expectancy.

Who are they to want anything out of me? I mean I've developed this attitude from a life of giving everything from a life of devout servitude and I've gained nothing. Absolutely nothing and I live for myself i strive to be better for myself- so honestly any expectancy can go to the wind cause i care not for others disappointments or what not.

And honestly I'm over appeasing people irrational requests- be this -do this -act like this
especially in a field that pronounces autonomy.

In my research of Indigenous peoples the European perspective has controlled history, way of life, culture, existence- it's no difference in any other community or field. Those of scholarly background have authority over things which they have no knowledge of- it's of no difference.

Therefore I am Indiguu -a woman of difference and indifference

 Hola all ,

 So I thought this was a pretty cool confirmation that I'm beginning to develop, in myself, the presence of my 

Grandmother. I just recently started talking back to my mother, and every once in a while she will go through my photos remarking on how I've changed or how I remind her of someone. I usually get compared to my aunts because of my temperament or attitudes towards some of her irrational reasoning's. Now more than ever she remarks on how I remind her of her sister Patti, but this time she said “…your Grandmother, my mother…”  and went further on in the album to remark;”.. How she missed her sunshine”.  Which I was as a child, before Life became more apparent and real and deathly unstable. Then I lost my shine. 

 I used just walk in a room laughing, just because I could, and it was sincere and happy and joyful. With every giggle the faces within proximity would always light up, and whatever thoughts, that once crossed their frontal lobe, were then replaced with the chime of my laughter.  Sometimes if I'm really happy I start to light up and you'll even catch my sunshine. Even now, I relish the gold tint I adopt when I'm toasted by the sun, remembering the bright tones of my untarnished pre adolescence. But those are all memories, even now when she makes the comparison of me to my grandmother; it's because of a memory. When there are thoughts that are both beautiful and entrancing, you can't let go. Like watching your mother ritualistically prepare for a date, noting every care because you knew one day that would be you; and you will done the appropriate ornamentation to make your pale white peacock feathers beautiful.

THE CULTURE VULTURE .: FASHION TIPS OF THE DAY

THE CULTURE VULTURE .: FASHION TIPS OF THE DAY: _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ _______________ ______________...

Clay Club: Crimson Laurel Gallery :: Kyle Carpenter Exhibit P...

Clay Club: Crimson Laurel Gallery :: Kyle Carpenter Exhibit P...

New Understandings

Just recently this week i presented a few of my works to my Language and Culture Anthropology class. I realized my professor Dr. Lisa Gezon wanted to place me in a situation that would further back up my understanding of my current research paper. After studying abroad and becoming exposed to the Parisian Jazz clubs i wondered why English was used as a Language of performance. My paper would be why English was validated as a language of performance regardless of the negative ideologies of it. The part that i was stuck on was the relationship between competence and performance. In order to be a competent singer there has to be concrete understanding of the language used, and performance is using that language in a action. The audience is the sole motivator for competent use because they critique the performance and determine if the performer was a competent communicator. Then i started to think if the responsibility is all on the performer but the judgement call is made by the audience ,why shouldn't the audience be responsible for competence in performance. What if they don't know or understand the performance though they chose to be there, and made the wrong call?

Which was my situation when presenting to the anthropology class although ,their mind was open to understanding which encouraged me greatly. I realized that from creating art to talking about it artists go through a linguistic code-switching, using terms relevant to the audience at the time. Between this transfer meaning gets lost , interpretations are interjected and the piece takes on something new. I guess what I'm wondering is if artists are competent in the language of art? or interpretation or broad understanding ? of language and worlds outside of our own?

Love her description of music and how she layers the sounds and influences into her music, similar to the way i want to create my patterns. Well actually her description is a description of her pattern of creation and relevance. I want to make patterns apparent in every faction of life, because it creates and initiates creation.I additionally like how it contribution to the composition as a whole is place and chosen for the music based on its interaction with its other parts.

Evolution of Thought

These are my artist statements from the past year speaking on my process with my current works. I found it interesting how idea of creation and my thoughts my works have evolved and changed .Yet there speaking on the same thing a personal growth of self and perspective. The first statement was my first the last my last.

1

 

I use art to explore the various factions of identity and the corroborative perspectives communicated through many cultural personas. Creating a story for each piece I depict the opposing ideologies of the assumed and actual identity of self, within the social context and a given environment. The conflicts dealing with identity are self-afflicted in order to resolve or understand the unconscious and conscious plights occurring with the development of an identity. I challenge myself to identify not with a persona created from stereotypes or self-denial, but one of an assimilated culture. A culture of experiences, memories, life lessons, and people that are influential to the socialization process. I examine culture and its meaning focusing less on racial and class identity and more on the personal adaptations to life.  Experimenting with, culturally foreign contexts and adapting them to self, creating a parallel of understanding. Creating pieces with the intent to reveal some truth not only to myself, but to the audience. The pieces are reflective of a reserved elusive perspective with a caution of divulging too much. The pieces are reworked until a resolution Is reached: an acceptance of self not only within my community, but within what I've created. I assert my perspective but in respect to the evasive views of my identity, coming to the realization that I am defined by being undefined.
I'm using these pieces to document the beginning of my growth into the articulation of my perspective. Including my socialization and the components of my thought process reflecting all, but assuming nothing. Abiding by an analytical nature, I take note to emotions and subjects that I've suppressed as issues, and acknowledge that I am plagued by them, although I deny them power. During this process I grow into acceptance of my vulnerability and us the works as resolutions to my conflicts. Allowing my work to grow to represent accurate symbols of my past and a benchmark to my growth. 

2

I use art to explore the various factions of identity and the corroborative perspectives communicated through many cultural personas. Creating a story for each piece I depict the opposing ideologies of the assumed and actual identity of self, within the social context and a given environment. The conflicts dealing with identity are self-afflicted in order to resolve or understand the unconscious and conscious plights occurring with the development of an identity. I challenge myself to identify not with a persona created from stereotypes or self-denial, but one of an assimilated culture. A culture of experiences, memories, life lessons, and people that are influential to the socialization process. I examine culture and its meaning focusing less on racial and class identity and more on the personal adaptations to life.  Experimenting with, culturally foreign contexts and adapting them to self, creating a parallel of understanding. Creating pieces with the intent to reveal some truth not only to myself, but to the audience. The pieces are reflective of a reserved elusive perspective with a caution of divulging too much. The pieces are reworked until a resolution Is reached: an acceptance of self not only within my community, but within what I've created. I assert my perspective but in respect to the evasive views of my identity, coming to the realization that I am defined by being undefined.

I'm using these pieces to document the beginning of my growth into the articulation of my perspective. Including my socialization and the components of my thought process reflecting all, but assuming nothing. Abiding by an analytical nature, I take note to emotions and subjects that I've suppressed as issues, and acknowledge that I am plagued by them, although I deny them power. During this process I grow into acceptance of my vulnerability and us the works as resolutions to my conflicts. Allowing my work to grow to represent accurate symbols of my past and a benchmark to my growth.

3

Through art I create a realm of understanding; exploring the relationships between self and environment, by defining contributors and developers of my perspective. By examining my own socialization process, stemming from an assimilated culture of: experiences, memories, life lessons, and people: I begin to understand my identity as an artist. Through utilizing various mediums and processing to produce art of the same theme, 1 find that similar thoughts can be articulated differently. I mentally process through my art to find relevancy in common and foreign themes and contexts, using myself and those within my immediate community as a frame of reference.  Through my examination of culture and its contextual meaning, I focus less on racial and class identity and directly on the personal adaptations to life, creating a parallel of cultural understanding. My works document emotions and subjects that I’ve suppressed as issues, as well as cross references to Christian, psychological, and afro-centric themes. Themes that represent both an issue and solution to my development, and are ambiguously depicted to reflect my abiding nature to acknowledge all, but assume nothing. During this process I’ve grown into acceptance of my vulnerability and us the works as visual acknowledgements and resolutions to my conflicts of identity and ideals. Allowing the development of my art and perspective to stand as a symbol of my past and a benchmark to my growth .