I'm realizing the negative attributes Anthropology and research of the contemporary indigenous- moreso the negative affects are seen in my rational of agency. Case in point, art- I'd like to think of myself as an indigenous woman: living to survive, adopting customs that relate environment and culture to person hood, while seeking understanding among-st a generally naive crowd. Naive not in a negative way but naive as In you'd have to be there to understand , this can't be fixed -you can tell a story a million times and people will still be unaware, and besides modern man has no appreciation for storytelling or if they do they do not believe. For when one says story another thinks of fable, and my life beginning from the age of 5 is anything but a fable. So i strive for what to be understood- ni i have been misunderstood by even the greatest of giants so how could understanding help me now? Respect? maybe but that's hard to come by for there is always a chance for disrespect when the rational is involved.
I am unknown and i fight to keep that, and yet I do not want to be recognized by my racial identity. SO WHAT DO I DO? I do as indigenous man does and save a little for myself, not all has to be explained because not all can be understood. I don't expect even someone of 60+ to understand my life ni those of adolescence ,adulthood ,etc. I think I will in the end be misunderstood because of everyone else expectancy.
Who are they to want anything out of me? I mean I've developed this attitude from a life of giving everything from a life of devout servitude and I've gained nothing. Absolutely nothing and I live for myself i strive to be better for myself- so honestly any expectancy can go to the wind cause i care not for others disappointments or what not.
And honestly I'm over appeasing people irrational requests- be this -do this -act like this
especially in a field that pronounces autonomy.
In my research of Indigenous peoples the European perspective has controlled history, way of life, culture, existence- it's no difference in any other community or field. Those of scholarly background have authority over things which they have no knowledge of- it's of no difference.
Therefore I am Indiguu -a woman of difference and indifference
